16
快到家了，感觉上他们好像爬得越来越快。每层楼都静悄悄的，大家都默默等待，等待电
力恢复正常。走到两层楼中间的地段，灯光最昏暗，他们一只手紧紧握住对方的手，另一只手
扶着铁栏杆。他们不想再隐藏，不再矜持。
詹丝偶尔会放开他的手，不过那只是因为她想伸手去摸摸背包后面，看看拐杖还在不在，
然后去拿马奈斯背包后面的水壶，喝一口水。一路上，他们都是互相拿对方背包后面的水来
喝，因为那样比起反手到背后拿自己的水壶要容易得多。而且，这种方式，就好像自己替对方
背着他需要的东西，随时可以交给他，而对方也为你做同样的事，那种感觉也比较甜蜜。他们
渴望享受这种宁静平和，至少，暂时享受一下。
詹丝啜了一口水，然后把盖子放回壶口拧紧，壶盖上的小链条微微晃动了一下。然后，她
把水壶放回他背包后面的口袋里。他们回到家之后，两个人的关系就会从此不一样吗？她真的
好想知道答案。再爬二十层楼就到家了。昨天，他们还觉得再爬二十层楼会要人命，可是现
在，他们却觉得那只需要一转眼的工夫。而且，当他们抵达之后，那熟悉的环境是否会将他们
带回从前的关系？昨夜的美好是否会变成一场梦？还有，唐纳的灵魂是否又会回来缠绕着他
们？
她很想问马奈斯这些问题，可是每次刚要开口，她立刻又把话吞回去，只问了一些无关紧
要的小事。比如，祖儿能够胜任吗？比如，他和霍斯顿先前经手的案子，哪一个必须优先交给
她处理？比如，他们该对资讯区作出什么让步，好安抚一下白纳德？还有，彼得•贝尔宁一定会
很失望，该怎么安抚他？总有一天，彼得会当上审判官，那么，哪天他主持听证会的时候，这
件事会不会影响到他的态度？
正当他们讨论这些问题的时候，詹丝开始感到有点反胃。也许那是因为有些话她很想问马
奈斯，可是却又不敢开口，所以胃才会不舒服。那些问题就仿佛飘散在空气中的沙尘，令她口
干舌燥。后来，她发现自己一次又一次地把他背包后面的水壶抽出来，不断地喝水，而她自己
的水壶一直在背包后面“哗啦哗啦”响。每往上爬一层楼，她的胃就翻搅得越厉害，而每往上爬
一层楼，平台上的数字越小，这趟旅程就越接近终点，而这趟探险也就越接近完美的结局。一
切都很完满。
首先，他们找到保安官了。一个底层的女孩子，浑身散发着火一般的热力，充满自信，令
人振奋，正如马奈斯形容的那样。在詹丝心目中，她是地堡未来的希望。她高瞻远瞩，有宏远
的规划，而且能够克服万难，完成任务。而且，保安官比别人更有机会选上首长。她相信，时
候到了，茱丽叶一定知道该如何抉择。
提到首长选举，这趟旅程也在她心中激发出更多的目标，更多的雄心壮志。她忽然很期待
那即将来临的大选。尽管她根本没有对手，但她还是利用爬楼梯的时候想了十几种简短的演说
词。现在，她已经可以预见地堡更美好的未来，知道该怎么更有效率地履行她的职责，而且，
地堡将会有年青一代来继承她这衰老的一代。
不过，最大的改变，还是在于她和马奈斯之间的关系。就在这旅程即将终了的时刻，她开
始怀疑，马奈斯坚持不肯升任保安官，会不会是为了她？担任副保安官，他就可以和她保持某
种微妙的距离，就可以继续怀抱着渺茫的希望，怀抱着不可能实现的梦想，总有一天两个人可
以在一起。万一担任保安官，一切希望就破灭了，因为，保安官和首长之间难免会有一些立场
上的冲突，而那种主从关系又太直接、太强烈。想到这里，她心头忽然弥漫着无限感伤，但又
有无限的甜蜜。想到这里，她不由自主地握紧他的手。为了她，他默默牺牲。想到这个，她的
心陡然往下沉，感觉心好痛。不管两人未来会如何，这一生，她都亏欠他太多。
接着，他们爬上了育儿区的楼层平台。原先，他们并没有打算进去跟茱丽叶的爸爸打个招
呼，告诉他，他女儿很快就会上来，到时候他应该要好对待她。不过，詹丝忽然改变心意，决
定要进去一下，因为她很需要上个厕所。
“我不上一下厕所不行了。”她很不好意思地告诉马奈斯，她已经快憋不住了。她感觉口干
舌燥，而且胃一直翻搅，很想吐。或许那是因为她担心这趟旅程即将走到尽头，而她和马奈斯
之间的一切也将结束。“我想，跟茱丽叶的爸爸见个面也无妨。”她最后又补了一句。
马奈斯听到她最后那句话，忍不住嘴角微微上扬。“那我们最好休息一下。”他说。
等候室里看不到人影。他们又看到那个“严禁喧哗”的标志，不敢出声。詹丝走到玻璃窗前
面，往里面张望了一下，看到那个护士正沿着阴暗的走廊朝她走过来。她本来皱着眉头，可是
一看到是他们，立刻露出笑容。
“首长，你好。”她轻声打招呼。
“不好意思，没有先发邮件通知你，不过，我还是想跟尼克斯大夫见个面，方便吗？另外，
可以跟你们借一下化妆室吗？”
“当然可以。”她按下桌上的按钮，门应声打开。她挥挥手请他们进来，“上次你们离开后，
我们又接生了两个孩子。由于发电机的问题，我们真是手忙脚乱——”
“不是发电机有问题，只是限电。”马奈斯纠正她。他说话嗓门比她们大，声音也比较嘶
哑。
护士瞪了他一眼，不过还是点点头表示了解。她从架上拿下两件白袍，递给他们，然后叫
他们把背包放在她桌上。
等他们进了等候室，护士朝长凳的方向挥挥手，请他们过去坐，然后说她会去找大夫。“化
妆室从那边进去。”她指向一扇门。门上有标志，不过早已褪色脱落，几乎看不见了。
“我马上就回来。”詹丝对马奈斯说。她很想伸出手去握紧他的手，但她还是忍住了。这两
天，她已经很习惯去握他的手，那是如此自然，却又如此私密。
厕所里几乎是一片漆黑，詹丝摸索了半天，急着想把小隔间的门打开。她感觉到肚子里不
断翻搅，发出奇怪的声响，忍不住暗暗咒骂。后来，门终于开了，她立刻冲进去坐下来。排便
的时候，她感觉胃里好像一团火在烧，一方面有一种舒坦的感觉，但另一方面，似乎是因为憋
太久了，她觉得喘不过气来。就这样，她在马桶上坐了不知道多久，两腿剧烈颤抖，完全无法
克制。这时候，她终于明白，为了上楼梯她已经把自己逼到极限。想到还有二十层楼要爬，她
忽然吓得魂飞魄散，害怕得脑海中一片空白。后来，她终于结束了，于是就走出去到旁边的冲
洗台，洗洗手，洗洗脸，然后拿旁边的一条毛巾擦干。接着，她把水槽和马桶的水都冲掉，进
入循环系统。她做这些动作的时候，必须在黑暗中摸索好久，因为不熟悉这里的环境。如果是
在她家或办公室，她闭着眼睛就可以完成这些动作，因为空间有多大，什么东西在什么位置，
她都了如指掌。
她两腿发软，跌跌撞撞走出化妆室，这时候，她忽然觉得自己可能需要在这里过一夜，在
病床上睡一晚，等明天早上再爬楼梯回办公室。她推开门走进等候室，回到马奈斯旁边，这时
候，她两条腿几乎快没有知觉了。
“舒服一点了吗？”他问。他坐在一条长凳上，旁边留了一个位置应该是要给她的。詹丝点
点头，然后重重跌坐到椅子上。她虚弱地喘着气，心里想，不知道他有没有注意到她已经太虚
弱，已经没力气再继续爬楼梯了。她暗暗希望他会主动开口说要休息一晚。
“詹丝？你还好吗？”
这时候，马奈斯忽然弯腰凑近她，不过，他并不是在看她的脸，而是看着地上：“詹丝，你
怎么了？”
“你小声一点。”她有气无力地说。
没想到他竟然大叫起来。
“大夫！”他大喊，“护士小姐！”
隔着玻璃窗，他看到幽暗的育婴室里有人影在动。詹丝头靠在椅背上，很费力地想开口叫
他小声一点。
“詹丝，我的詹丝，你刚刚做了什么？”
他紧握着她的手，轻拍着她的手背，然后抓住她的手臂拼命摇晃。詹丝好想睡。她模模糊
糊听到脚步声，有人正朝她跑过来。接着，灯光忽然大亮。限电期间，本来不准开这么亮。接
着，护士好像在大喊什么，然后她听到一个很熟悉的声音。是茱丽叶的爸爸，大夫。他来了，
他一定会准备一张病床给她睡，他一定有办法查出来她为什么会这么虚弱——
然后，她听到有人好像在说流血什么的，接着感觉到有人在检查她的腿。马奈斯在哭，眼
泪流到他的白胡子上，不过，她还是注意到白胡子里夹杂着几丝黑色。他一直摇晃她的肩膀，
盯着她的眼睛。
“我没事。”詹丝气若游丝地说。
她舔舔嘴唇。好渴，嘴巴好干，干得要命。她说她想喝水，马奈斯急忙掏出他的水壶，把
壶口凑到她嘴边，把水倒进她嘴里。
她努力想吞下去，可是却没办法。他们扶她躺在长凳上，大夫摸摸她的肋骨，拿手电筒照
照她的眼睛。然而，她感觉眼前越来越黑。
马奈斯一手抓着水壶，一手帮她把头发拨到后面。他在啜泣。不知道他为什么那么伤心，
不过，他还有力气哭，比她自己好多了。她对他微微一笑，伸手握住他的手。她没想到自己还
有力气。她抓住他的手，告诉他她爱他，从很久很久以前就一直爱着他。她的心好累，再也守
不住秘密了。她说出了心中隐藏多年的秘密，而他落下了眼泪。
她看着他的眼睛。他眼睛好亮，泪光闪烁，凝视着她。接着，她看看他手上的水壶。
那是他背包上的水壶。
那一刹那，她忽然明白，他才是他们想毒杀的人。
Part 2 Proper Gauge 17
Part 2 Proper Gauge
17
The generator room was unusually crowded and eerily silent. Mechanics in worn overalls stood three
deep behind the railing and watched the first-shift crew work. Juliette was only dimly aware of them;
she was more keenly aware of the silence.
She leaned over a device of her own making, a tall platform welded to the metal floor and arrayed
with mirrors and tiny slits that bounced light across the room. This light shined on mirrors attached to
the generator and its large dynamo, helping her get them in perfect alignment. It was the shaft
between the two of them that she cared about, that long steel rod the size of a man’s waist where the
power of combusting fuel was transformed into the spark of electricity. She was hoping to have the
machines on either end of this rod aligned to within a thousandth of an inch. But everything they
were doing was without precedent. The procedures had been hurriedly planned in all-night sessions
while the backup generator was put online. Now she could only concentrate, could only hope the
eighteen-hour shifts had been good for something and trust in plans made back when she’d had some
decent rest and could think soundly.
While she guided the final placement, the chamber around her stood deathly quiet. She gave a
sign, and Marck and his team tightened several of the massive bolts on the new rubber floor mounts.
They were four days into the power holiday. The generator needed to be up and running by morning
and at full power that next evening. With so much done to it—the new gaskets and seals, the
polishing of cylinder shafts that had required young shadows to crawl down into the heart of the beast
—Juliette was worried about it even starting up. The generator had never been fully powered down
during her lifetime. Old Knox could remember it shutting itself down in an emergency once, back
when he was a mere shadow, but for everyone else the rumble had been as constant and close as their
own heartbeats. Juliette felt inordinate pressure for everything to work. She was the one who had
come up with the idea to do a refit. She calmed herself with reassurances that it was the right thing to
do and that the worst that could happen now was that the holiday would be extended until they sorted
out all the kinks. That was much better than a catastrophic failure years from now.
Marck signaled that the bolts were secure, the lock nuts tightened down. Juliette jumped off her
homemade platform and strolled over to the generator to join him. It was difficult to walk casually
with so many eyes on her. She couldn’t believe this rowdy crew, this extended and dysfunctional
family of hers, could be so perfectly silent. It was like they were all holding their breath, wondering if
the crushing schedule of the last few days was going to be for naught.
“You ready?” she asked Marck.
He nodded, wiping his hands on a filthy rag that always seemed to be draped over his shoulder.
Juliette checked her watch. The sight of its second hand ticking around in its constant path comforted
her. Whenever she had doubts about something working, she looked at her wrist. Not to see the time,
but to see a thing she had fixed. A repair so intricate and impossible—one that had taken years of
cleaning and setting parts almost too small to see—that it made her current task, whatever it was, feel
small by comparison.
“We on schedule?” Marck asked, grinning.
“We’re doing fine.” She nodded to the control room. Whispers began to stir through the crowd as
they realized the restart was imminent. Dozens of them pulled sound protection from their necks and
settled the muffs over their ears. Juliette and Marck joined Shirly in the control room.
“How’s it going?” Juliette asked the second-shift foreman, a young woman, small and spirited.
“Golden,” Shirly said as she continued to make adjustments, zeroing out all the corrections that
had built up over the years. They were starting from the ground up, none of the patches and fixes of
old to disguise any new symptoms. A fresh start. “We’re good to go,” she said.
She backed away from the controls and moved to stand near her husband. The gesture was
transparent: this was Juliette’s project, perhaps the last thing she would ever try to fix in the down
deep of Mechanical. She would have the honor, and the full responsibility, of firing the generator up.
Juliette stood over the control board, looking down at knobs and dials that she could locate in utter
darkness. It was hard to believe that this phase of her life was over, that some new one was about to
begin. The thought of traveling to the up top frightened her more than this project could. The idea of
leaving her friends and family, of dealing with politics, did not taste as sweet to her as the sweat and
grease on her lips. But at least she had allies up there. If people like Jahns and Marnes were able to
get by, to survive, she figured she’d be okay.
With a trembling hand, more from exhaustion than nerves, Juliette engaged the starter motor.
There was a loud whine as a small electrical engine tried to get the massive diesel generator moving.
It seemed to be taking forever, but Juliette had no idea what normal sounded like. Marck stood by the
door, propping it open so they could better hear any shouts to abort. He glanced over at Juliette as she
continued to hold the ignition, creases of worry in his brow as the starter whined and groaned in the
next room.
Someone outside waved both arms, trying to signal her through the glass.
“Shut it off, shut it off,” Marck said. Shirly hurried toward the control panel to help.
Juliette let go of the ignition and reached for the kill switch, but she stopped herself from pressing
it. There was a noise outside. A powerful hum. She thought she could feel it through the floor, but not
like the vibration of old.
“It’s already running!” someone yelled.
“It was already running,” Marck said, laughing.
The mechanics outside were cheering. Someone pulled off their ear protection and hurled the
muffs up into the air. Juliette realized the starter motor was louder than the rebuilt generator, that
she’d been holding the ignition even as it had already started and continued to run.
Shirly and Marck hugged one another. Juliette checked the temps and pressures on all the zeroed
gauges and saw little to adjust, but she wouldn’t be sure until it warmed up. Her throat constricted
with emotion, the release of so much pressure. Work crews were leaping over the railing to crowd
around the rebuilt beast. Some who rarely visited the generator room were reaching out to touch it,
almost with reverent awe.
Juliette left the control room to watch them, to listen to the sound of a perfectly working machine,
of gears in alignment. She stood behind the railing, hands on a steel bar that used to rattle and dance
while the generator labored, and watched an unlikely celebration take place in a normally avoided
workspace. The hum was magnificent. Power without dread, the culmination of so much hurried
labor and planning.
The success gave her a new confidence for what lay ahead, for what lay above. She was in such
fine spirits and so fixated on the powerful and improved machines that she didn’t notice the young
porter hurry into the room, his face ashen, his chest swelling with the deep gulps of a long and frantic
run. She barely noticed the way the news traveled from mouth to mouth throughout the room,
spreading among the mechanics until fear and sadness registered in their eyes. It wasn’t until the
celebration died completely, the room falling into a different sort of quiet, one studded with sobs and
gasps of disbelief, of grown men wailing, that Juliette knew something was amiss.
Comments (0)
Be the first to comment!